25. No special editions
These days, special editions are all the rage, as publishers jack up the prices of games in exchange for an art book, codes for downloadable content and toys. Just don't expect any of that for a Wii game. Last year's Call of Duty: World at War and WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2009 came in collector's edition flavors on the other consoles (in WWE's case, it was PS3 only) but not on Wii. Not that we need all that stuff, but we understand if it bothers you.
24. Wii console lacks an Ethernet port
If you don't have Wi-Fi in your home, prepare to shell out an additional $15-25 for the privilege of connecting your Wii to the Internet. Since the console lacks an Ethernet port, you'll need to purchase a Wii LAN Adapter. Thanks, Nintendo, for making us pay for a cheapo port that comes standard on all computers
23. Little to no customization
Unlike PS3 and Xbox 360, you cannot customize the Wii menu, other than dragging channels around. Seeing as how Nintendo tries to make money whenever possible, it should offer premium content, backgrounds and other stuff. Even we would shell out a couple bucks for a Mario theme
22. Endless supply of re-released software
Every company repackages old video games, but Nintendo does it ad nauseam. Instead of releasing new stuff every month, it shoves the same old Mario Tennis/Pikmin/Pokemon games down our throats, often at ridiculous prices. Hey, we love Super Mario Bros., but that doesn't mean we feel like paying for it every five years.
21. Wii versions of multiplatform games
If a Wii is all you own, you're at the mercy of publishers that think the only way to put a game on Wii is to dumb it down for "the audience." Take Ghostbusters: The Video Game, for instance. The Xbox 360 and PS3 versions sport snazzy graphics and tons of sweet special effects. On Wii, Atari ditched those visuals for a whole new (and more cartoon-like) art style. Sure, it still looks cool, but the monsters are nowhere near as scary.
20. Too many games for kids
Unless it makes a radical change (thereby aliening most of its user base), Nintendo will never shed its "kiddie" image. We don't have a problem playing games like The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker and Super Mario Galaxy because we dig the art styles of both games. Other players, however, feel that enjoying an interactive cartoon is an affront to their maturity and long for the chance to jump over a turtle, drop into a barrel roll and cap a Koopa with an AK-47.
19. No headset
The closest we came to communicating with others online is the Wii Speak microphone, and that only works with Animal Crossing: City Folk. Meanwhile, Nintendo released a DS headset that works with Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. It makes no sense
18. PlayStation 2 quality graphics
Most Wii games look horrible compared to Xbox 360 and PS3 software. Folks ramble on about how "it's all about the gameplay," but that's like ugly people claiming it's what's inside that counts. We're graphics aficionados and we love high definition craziness, not pixilated PS2 quality nonsense
17. Friend codes
We get it. Nintendo has an image to protect, one that doesn't involve creepy old men soliciting kids online. Sharing a 12-digit code to play Mario Kart Wii, however, doesn't seem like the best solution. If you know your friend code by heart, then congratulations on being a loser.
16. No demos
As much as we like the concept of WiiWare, Nintendo's gone about it the wrong way. Its decision to release most software without screens/videos and demos puts a terrible "buyer beware" stigma on almost every game. At least Microsoft lets us try before we buy.
15. Grandparents and moms love Nintendo
Back in the day, video games were one of the few things that separated us from our lame relatives. Now old folks host Wii Bowling tournaments and moms sharpen their noodles with Brain Age. If you have serious self-esteem issues, you don't want to rave about the same console as your grandma. Worse yet, she might be better.
14. Too many casual games
Nintendo's decision to focus on the casual consumer (the Wii Sports crowd) instead of the hardcore fans pissed off lots of nerds desperately waiting for the rumored Kid Icarus sequel. If you fall into the latter category, purchase a console with more challenging video games
13. Cornball gimmicks
Every few years, Nintendo re-releases a system with a couple new features in an attempt to convince gamers to spend even more cash on crap they don't need. Case in point, the DSi. For $170, even you can own a 0.3 mega pixel camera. We love the bigger screens, but come on Nintendo, 0.3 was high tech back in 1999
12. Frustrating add-ons
We'd like to introduce you to Wii MotionPlus, the Wii's new peripheral that lets you and your on screen character perform the same actions in real time. You know, the technology that Nintendo should've built into its remote in the first place, but would rather sell for $19.99
11. No DVD playback
Forget about Blu-ray because the Wii can't even play DVDs, at least not yet. With the console's three-year anniversary coming up, Nintendo needs to release a new version, one that plays the same media as the nine-year-old PlayStation 2.
10. Less downloadable content
This week, THQ announced new downloadable superstars for its WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2009 video game. Guess which console missed out on this exciting content? The Wii. That means no Doink the Clown for Nintendo fans. That stinks, but that's what being a Wii owner is like.
9. Too expensive
Yeah that's right. We just called Nintendo out for being too expensive. Not only is it's Wii console overpriced ($250 compared to a $200 Xbox 360), but most of its first party games take more than a year to drop in price; EBGames sells 2006's The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for $44.99, down a measly $5. At least Microsoft and Sony don't wait years before starting an affordably priced greatest/platinum hits lineup.
8. Too much waggle
After a hard day's work (in the mines, of course), the last thing we want to do is hop on the couch and waggle our Wii remotes. Too bad almost every Wii game requires medium to extreme levels of shaking. That's why we often turn to the comfort of a PS3 or Xbox 360 controller. If you have bad arms, the Wii is the wrong console to buy.
7. Snake oil promises
When it comes to video games, the only sales pitch we want to hear is how much fun we'll have. We don't need Nintendo to tell us that playing Brain Age will make us smarter or that running in place like a moron in Wii Sports will help us skinnier. If you plunked down tons of cash based on these potentially false promises, you're probably already smarting
6. Wii Music
For years (dare we say decades), Nintendo's legendary designer Shigeru Miyamoto was money. Everything he touched sold millions of copies and captured the hearts of gamers around the globe. Then Wii Music happened. Instead of dreaming up the next Zelda for the 2008 holiday season, the guy transformed the Wii Remote into a musical toy, then forgot to add any sort of challenge. The result is a glorified noise maker that caused us to question whether "Shiggy" star had gone dark. If he walks onto the stage this summer and officially unveils Wii Gardening, we can't blame you for ditching Nintendo.
5. Forget high-def, you get low-def
Ten years ago, everyone had the same television and games looked hot no matter the resolution. Now we're smack dab in age of high definition and the Wii's pathetic 480p doesn't cut it. If you love eye candy, Nintendo cannot satisfy you
4. No online community
Unlike Xbox Live, you can't hop onto a Nintendo online service and instantly communicate with other players. As a result, you never feel connected to an online community. Sure, you can download games online and play against others, but it's nowhere near as user-friendly as Xbox 360
3. You hate the franchise characters
Mario and Link never did anything bad to us, but it's OK if you dislike them. You may cringe whenever Mario exclaims "whoo-hoo" or when Pikachu screams "Pikaaaaaaaa"! With millions of games sold, neither of them will go away any time soon, so perhaps it's best to distance yourself from the Mushroom Kingdom. Yes, we know Pikachu doesn't live there.
2. You're a Sony or Microsoft fan boy
Maybe you just hate Nintendo because you're a Sony/Microsoft nut ball. You spit on Mario's goofy face, despise Shigeru Miyamoto (yet secretly adore the man) and think the Wii Remote is an insult to the DualShock. That makes you a bit shallow, but to each his or her own.
1. Video games give you seizures
Hey, no one can blame you for avoiding video games for medical reasons. The last thing we want is for you to hurt either yourself or others because of a reaction to flashing stimuli. Unless you're on medication with doctor approval, you should ditch Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft. Safety first, right?
